do you know what sucks?

you know that you deserve to be treated better, you know that you shouldn’t be treated like a piece of shit, you know that you shouldn’t be used. you know that you are better off without them, and yet, you still choose to stay because you even though you are being treated like shit. it is better than being forgotten and not noticed at all.

it's sad

When you try to pick up a conversation with someone you haven’t talked to in a while and used to be close to, but you notice that they don’t make any effort to talk to you and just push you further away to the point where you realize that things have changed and it’d be probably better to let go. People come and go, sadly. Even the ones you thought you’d never lose.

Heart is crying. Can't stop the tears from flowing. Everything just seems so different now.. Things just don't turn out the way you wanted it to be, isn't it? What have i become.. Regrets piling up. Have i not done enough? My decisions led me to the wrong direction and really have no idea why i landed myself in such a state. Life sucks isn't it.. People in life come and go too, who really stays in the end? Despite your flaws and everything that makes you. Holding back those tears, running circles in my head. It's such a huge stepping stone in my life, my future. We all have to move on, but moving on is so hard. I just want to be happy. Someone to guide me, lead me on. When can i ever be happy again?

x

I'm done being a good friend to those who don't deserve it. Everyday, I have unspoken feelings I keep in. Have you ever felt so alone that the presence of knowing someone will always be there for you is the equivalent to a foreign language. Have you ever felt so alone that the sound of silence is the only sound that soothes you. Have you ever felt so alone that you have no idea what to do when someone might care about you. Have you ever felt so alone that even when you’re around people, you still can’t feel their presence. Putting in so much effort into something, and get nothing back in return. That shit is painful. You feel as if you’re not as important to that person as they are to you. Thanks for making me feel like shit. 

Some Nights

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, your not worth it..." Heart. Is. Empty. What have I been doing all my life? I don't know what I really wanted.. It's the loneliness that slowly chills and kills the heart in all of us. Has it always been this way?

Everything happens for a reason, you may not like the reason, but learn from that reason.

I act like I don't care, but deep inside I care more than you can ever think. Tired of constantly feeling like you never fit in. I never wanted to be a backup plan, always. It hurts more than it ever does, trust me. You wouldn't want to be in my shoes. Personally, I've learned not expect anything anymore. I'll believe it when i see it. But really, i’d rather be alone than to be with someone i’m not comfortable with.. It's good to have some space alone and think it through.. I guess all of these are parts of growing up. Anyway, Red Camp 9 was awesome!! No regrets for joining the camp. And.. lastly I've got my hair done! So lovin' it now with brown and a soft tone of pink hekekhek. 

" Never chase anyone. A person who appreciates you will walk with you."

Thoughts

"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone suffer the way they do."


Sometimes all you want is someone who would love you back, and someone who would tell you that you're worth it. Hate this feeling. The constant battle between my heart and my head. I need strength. No, you can't choose to be happy or sad. I simply let emotions to wash over me.. I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while but also the saddest.

It’s surprising how a lot of things changed so much merely within two years —friends, perspective, and circumstances. The vicissitudes of life are so unexpected, incalculable, and sometimes scary. So perhaps…maybe it’s better to not look back at all.

Wish I Never Knew

The worst pain for a girl is when she smiles, just to keep the tears from falling and sleeps, just so she doesn't have to think about it. Hello diary, so happy that o's are over!!!! But.. still feeling so hollow inside. Sigh.

When people let you down pick yourself up

It's been a while. So much change and everything.. 

"If i walk, would you run? If i stop, would you come? If i say you're the one, would you believe me? If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?"

The end where i begin

In the end, no matter how many times you try to fix things, no matter how many things fall apart and come back together, and no matter how hard it is to let it go, some things will just never go back to how they used to be. Something I've learnt.

I'm glad that I've found something I've wished for, but sometimes I wished it never did. I mustn't be selfish, I ought to be thankful for what's given to be. Holding on, keeping the faith on. I'll be fine, i'll be alright.

Better Off Alone

Am i better off dead? Am i better off a quitter? Tired, depressed and lost describe me. I'm just an ordinary girl who needs some friends and love. I am so tired of this life, hoping so much I could escape this cruel and ugly reality. How all the sudden someone just wakes up and decides to never talk to you again. No reason. No explanation. No words said. They just left you hanging like you never meant shit to them, and what hurts the most is how they made it look so easy.. Penny of thoughts. These thoughts constantly reminded and reflected on me and made me often doubt myself and never was i good enough. Am i really a friend? Or an option.. It hurts the worst when you walked away, no one is there chasing for you. I was ready to speak what my heart has been keeping inside, but no one can hear me, the silence has won, once again. 

For The First Time

Hooked up with lots of new things recently in life. And I realised blogger actually kept so much of past photos  that's filled with lots of fun filled memories. Sometimes, those feelings, no matter how delusional or in denial, keeps me from having to start over again. Once gone, never again. In fact, long gone and moved on, I have new objectives that I've longed for, strong wishes keeping me alive, burning my heart. When I'll be back, it's still a mystery okei bai bai sweethearts. x

Young At Heart

Miss me? Yes, I know you do. Life was fucked. 

And I'd always believe, Whats meant to be will find its way.

Ciaos, xxx. Gonna try out banana ice cream!

est là pour le passé

Ever felt so lost, lousy, with rage, guilt or grief? Life had been torturous, never felt so depressed in my life. Again and again, I wanna to be a better person after all.. I never got what i wanted the most in my entire life.......i mean nothing! I forgive but never forget after all, who's really there in the end? 

Flaws

Hello babies, it's already the second month of the year, time really flies huh. Sch really sux during the first month, I really do hope February will be better for me! And complete my new year resolutions too! I need to buck up srsly becos' I'm so lost, so far behind.. I'm slowly dying inside, oh well..

Sometimes I pondered over; what do you do when you feel lost and alone and you don't know what to do? sometimes i think why do i sit around and just let time pass without doing a thing..

So yeah! We've reached lunar new yr again. Are you guys excited?! I hope to receive lots of red packets of course and eat the wholesome I can. But sadly, it was always an disappointment to me every each reunion dinner. Still remembering each horrible yr -o- Maybe I shouln't try so hard for the best things to come when you least expect them to. But thank god my cousin visited me last nite ♥ My nails were painted now and.. Lomography cam ftw!

Double Vision

Hey babies, how's life? I've realised it's been rly long since I updated. And this is merely the first post in 2011. How sad? Reason because my life has become really too hectic.. I've filled with tasks etc etc ok I'm a busy person! School was quite bad at first.. And I'm becoming a center-parting person soon I guess! And I think 'till I've got blogging cells, I'll put a new blog up agn with posts! Now since it's already so lacked of posts.. I WANNA ENJOY MY LIFE ;(

2010

2010 is coming to an end, have you guys made new year resolutions and plans for a brand new year? ;) 2010 has been a rly tough year through.. I've learnt many lessons, and what taught me to be a stronger person. Mistakes made me what I am today. I've see thru many personalities and this make me to be much more cautious to trust anybody. I shall make 2011 a much more enjoyable year for me and of course looking forward for every little things that happen in my life. Hope everyone enjoyed their new year celebration out thr!

To-Do-List:

Keep my face clean.

Tidy my room!!

By March 2011, I shall get my new camera ^3^

Become stronger and powerful! Lmao~

To walk straight and my hunch-back to get better.

'till then.

Hi, did you people enjoy x'mas out thr? ^o^ I've been packed this week but still find time to update this space here.. Well, spending time for x'mas was fun of course! School is starting in no time, I dreaded it man! Wasn't rly happy these days.. Maybe becos' having some tiffs with my family members. Every talks ended with quarrels each time I'm so tired alrdy.. I srsly hoped for the best out of 2011, doing the best outta it in everything. Most importantly, things to go smoothly throughout.. Shall look forward to what is and what's going to be.

Hehex, so spend ma christmas eve for school.. at the morning. My face is swollen with holes ;( Okay, kinda feel so sick at first. Awaiting for the night to come with another two 38s! Huhu ^3^ Brought gifts to exchange and it was exciting though! HAHA. Had a great dinner at Pizza Hut and thn headed for town heheh.

 -

So.. after the eve of christmas, it's finally xmas!! Marli christmas babies! ;)

Spent my chirtmas with my family, although it was kinda unpleasant and disappointing at the first place, but I still enjoyed having my cousin to shop! Huhu. Dine at Ding Tai Feng, my fav Egg Fried Rice every once a yr! ;* Spend overnight at my aunt's hse aftermath with Chingwee, catching movies till midnight, having our long night chats. Teeheex!

 Did some baking at the second night, becus' we have the urge to do smth without my aunt at home. *Evil grins* Huhu, tot it'll be fun at first but it was a disaster HAHA. Failed at the first and the whole flat was in smoke.. but it succeeded in the end! ;)

 This wasn't even used, what a waste! :(

Okai, finally finished uploading to blogger ^-^ Hoped ppl out thr enjoyed their time out thr for x'mas! Please help to click on my nuffnangs ok~